The Retreat:
When I was 21 years old, I read an article about two people who completed a three year retreat. A few months later, someone asked me what I wanted to do with my life, meaning what kind of career did I want or how did I envision my future, and without hesitation, I blurted out “three year retreat”. I was shocked to hear myself say it, but I knew it was true. It was very soon after that that I found some recordings of Geshe Michael’s teachings and found out he had just begun a Great Retreat.
Why do the retreat?
Every day I see people suffering, everywhere I go. It is mind-blowing. And I suffer. The situation is totally out of control. I think if we really faced the condition we are in, we would go crazy. I have studied and tried many different ways to help people, to help the world; on an individual level and on a grand scale. No matter what I do, it seems there is no end, it just goes on and on. I cannot truly help anyone or change the world in a serious way—in an ultimate way—without a radical transformation of myself, my own mind. I have to do it myself first.
I have tried for many years to do it outside of retreat. After nine years of very dedicated study and practice and teaching some good results have come, but not big enough and not fast enough for me to really reach a place where I can truly be of service. I believe that to make the necessary changes, I have to do the necessary work, and I don’t think that can happen in the normal outside world. The amount and the potency of practice that happens amidst everyday life just isn’t deep enough, isn’t radical enough. From the small amount of retreat I have done, I have seen that this is where serious, concentrated progress happens.
At the heart of it all, it comes down to the fact that I truly believe there is a way to stop every suffering. I believe that I have the capacity to do it. My body and mind are strong and clear, I have the perfect teachers, the perfect teachings, and now I have the perfect opportunity to put it all to work—a three year retreat. I believe I can help people eliminate the unbelievable pain they are in. That is a big deal. If there is one tiny little chance that I could do it, if I could possibly someday be able to help even one person come out of some suffering, then I have to try. I will try. Even if it’s a long shot, nothing else would ever seem worthwhile.
Moreover, it is simply a beautiful way to live; to have a heart that is completely devoted to other people’s happiness no matter what. Whatever life, whatever action comes out of a heart like that must be extraordinary. It’s such a contrast to the normal perspective. I think that alone could change the world.
Preparation:
In my heart I have been preparing for this retreat for nine years and maybe for my whole life. I have known that it is what I would do. I think that strength of vision has prepared me the most, in that it has been what has shaped my life and all of my decisions for many years.
For seven years I have been studying with my teachers the worldview and practices I will need in retreat. I have completed all 18 Asian Classics Institute courses and will soon complete all 18 Tantric Course Series courses. I have also completed five month-long retreats in the past five years and ten 10-day retreats.
Some people think I am young to do something like this, saying that this is something that I could do later in life, after I have kids and a career. My thinking is quite the opposite. It is not certain that I would be able to do it later. I don’t know what will come even tomorrow. In my mind, to put it off is to put off bringing people relief from suffering—something I could not bear. Also, doing it now means that everything else I do in life is blessed with the power of the retreat. I say, do the most important thing first and everything else will flow naturally from that.
The cabin and the site: 
Right now a road has been put in, the site has been cleared and leveled, the septic has been dug, installed and approved, and the plans have been submitted to the county for the permit to build. I am currently working on running and burying the water lines.
The retreat itself:
I expect the retreat to be extremely challenging while at the same time being exactly what I want to be doing. My longing to spend all day in prayer and meditation purifying and opening my heart, far outweighs any fear of the difficulties. I believe that my wish to help others eliminate their suffering will carry me through the hardships.
I hope to grow some of my own food and to participate in and learn from the environment around me. I very much look forward to being in a remote location, deep in the natural world and reconnecting with my first teachers, the elements.
My day will begin well before dawn and end in the wee hours of the night, and will consist of mostly deep practice; meditation, prayer, yoga. I trust that keeping my mind steeped in wisdom and my heart steeped in love, in a continuous stream every day for three years, will work it’s magic on me and I may have a chance at becoming useful to humanity.
